Family Breakdown | Part 1

I come from a broken family. The breakdown climaxed when I was fifteen years old and involved my parents and four siblings. When I asked my wife to marry me ten years ago, the one commitment I asked her to make with me was that we would never get a divorce - that we would work through anything. That resolution has been tested in the last ten years, but I; like so many of you, have seen a family breakdown from the inside. The pain, regrets and destruction of trust involved in divorce is so undesirable to those who have seen it. It is also, with God's help, avoidable.

In this section, I will attempt to address some of the things that contribute to a family breakdown and ask that they are considered as preventative measures to any family distress. In the moment of contention between a husband and a wife, the disagreement between each other can seem so paramount that it overrides their mutual affection for the children. The relationship between the parents and children can definitely contribute to the discontentment of the the parents, as well.

Complaining

One thing I've noticed as potentially harmful to a family is complaining. The Bible talks about how the children of Israel continually grieved God in the wilderness by refusing to be thankful and constantly complaining. As a parent, you probably notice your children's complaining. You wish they could be thankful with the meals that have been prepared or with gifts they have been given.

Every day something relatively disturbing happens at my home. Yesterday, my youngest daughter (2 yrs.), came downstairs with a gothic makeover. She had gotten into an old bag of eyelash make-up and went to town. We have five young children trying to discover and experience life with each other. Often, they step on each others toes. Any loud noise of aggravation in our house that comes from one child having problems with another child is pretty annoying. That's not the way it's supposed to be, and we have told them many many times. Sometimes the daily trials of parenting can push us into a realm of negativity. We may say things like "Why can't they ever listen?" or "I wish they would just...".

It is evident to me, that our attitudes as parents directly influence the behavior and attitudes of our children. It is so connected that I would go so far as to say that if you see a complaining attitude in your children, it came from you. You are annoyed that they complain, but do you complain? How often do we express to our children our thankfulness for God's provision and for our child's place in our life? Peace in the family is the result of each relationship working together in love and unity. It flows from the top down. A complaining attitude in a husband will eventually result in a complaining, negative wife. Complaining parents will find plenty to complain about in their kids. Everywhere you go someone is probably telling you, "You have your hands full" or "How do you manage?" or "Wait till their teenagers". These seeds of subtle negativity can spring into daily complaints against our kids and our place in life.

The wonderful thing is; if you have noticed this in your family, it only takes one determined, prayerful person to turn the tide. The thing about thankfulness, gratitude and joy is that they are contagious, and those who live without it will latch onto it when they see it. Express your gratitude to your spouse and each of your children today. Enjoy each moment you have with these special people that God has placed in your life. Each stage of life, including it's messes, is to be treasured as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

~Jesse