It is of great importance that our children are disciplined. Perhaps the greatest testimony of a christian parent is their children's behavior. Our children have opened doors for us into many people's lives. However; there is a danger in disciplining and training children that we must avoid.
My dad was what many would refer to as a "disciplinarian dad". My four siblings and I feared his disapproval. He was the established authority in our household. While it is necessary to command respect and be authoritative as a father in the home, we should not allow it to replace humility.
For example, I was talking with my oldest daughter the other day. I was reprimanding her over some selfish act I had witnessed. She was sorry for her behaviour, but her attitude was worse than before the incident. She was sulking. Correcting an attitude is much harder than correcting a behavior. It's also more important. Our goal should be to win our children's hearts, not get them to perform well. I was authoritatively telling her to not have a bad attitude and threatening to have her sit in the corner, or something like that. She was going drifting further away from me. It was at that moment that I realized that I didn't have the answer of how to change this situation. Instead of continuing to prod her, I knelt down next to her, asked her to look me in the eye and softly said to her, "Honey, this is the first time I've ever raised a nine year old daughter. I don't know how you feel right now and I don't even know what will make things better. I'm still learning how to be a good dad to a nine year old girl, so can you help me figure it out?" The cold expression on my daughter's cold face melted and a grin formed. She hugged me.
I realized again something I have know for quite a while. It's important not to an authoritative attitude drown our humilty. It's ok to admit your wrong to your children. Sometimes you may thing that it will cause them to lose respect. If anything, it gains their respect. It's good to ask them for forgiveness when you've expressed anger or spoken harshly. Parents may keep small children "in line" with a strictly authoritative disciplinarian approach, but they will be lost as teenagers. If we want our children to be humble and tender-hearted, we must be that example. It's sometimes easy to talk down to our own children and not even notice it. We must make sure that we pay attention to our tone of voice and never cast our frustrations upon them. If we falter, we must ask for their forgiveness. It that, we are training them to do the same.
Jesse
